i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
