her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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