It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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