He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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