Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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