What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
