Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize