We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
