why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
