just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
