still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
