1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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