I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
