happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
