I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
