dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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