(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
