it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
