There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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