we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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