where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Say something about gay babies.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
