i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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