dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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