i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The adults are the big ones right?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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