I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
