Dual....:-)
My room smells like vodka and shame
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
