i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
