if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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