I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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