Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
