i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize