Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Operation Purity has been aborted
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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