Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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