I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
