it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
