It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
