Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
