Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I deserve this hangover.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
