remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
