Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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