DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
