If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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