Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
