he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
