I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i've created a new STD.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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