How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
