Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
