so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize