THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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