I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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