No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
