she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
