That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
