Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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