im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
