i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
