508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
