he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
