I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize