Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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