I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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