Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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