"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
