Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think I am morally bankrupt
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
