If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
