May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
