I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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