So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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