Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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