I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
