I wish I could teleport
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
