Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
