I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
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You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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