Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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