dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
