well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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