She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
