apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
