I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
