So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
