How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
whose ass print is on the piano?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
