I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
my nose is crying tears of wow.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
