Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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