His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My penis needs a shock collar
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
